So…here goes nothing.
I’ve been meaning to start this for a long time. I think my life has finally given me an opportunity to breathe and to start delving into things that I’ve been passionate about and was previously passionate about but for this, that and every other reason, just stopped happening. In this case, I’m talking about writing.
Probably was social media to be honest, I was too self-conscious to yell at the clouds, so I chose to do it on social media over the course of the last fifteen years. And it got me in trouble. Maybe I overshared. I don’t know, but in my rantings, on occasion, things I would write would touch people and that felt good. I’ve been struggling with being social since before the pandemic — but it definitely made the feelings I was going through louder. I also chose to start limiting the amount I was sharing on Zuckerberg and now Elon’s internet spaces. I wish I could say it was politcal but I was just trying to find a way to get out feelings that my anxiety wouldn’t really let me call up the people who I’ve been closest to in an attempt to release the valve. (That’s a whole other conversation I may dig into in a later post)
After life started to come back to some normalcy, the feelings still exist. I had a great therapist I was working with for about a year who unfortunately doesn’t practice anymore and still seeking for support in that specific way. Yet and still, I feel like I need to have a space that I can express myself, where those who want to listen can do so, and I don’t feel self-conscious of taking up too much space, in real-life and in digital space.
Maybe attaching this site to my professional website isn’t the best idea, but I’m pushing through with that as well. After doing passionate, meaningful work and knowing exactly who I am, I’m not ashamed of anything I would choose to share on this platform. That doesn’t mean I will sensor myself, quite the opposite. What you see is what you get. I am going to do my best to but only the things that matter to me the most on here, but I’m also on a quest to rediscover what my own personal joy looks like.
What I can promise you is you will get me - MacKenzie, Randall, Pharaoh, or whatever I’m calling myself these days. I don’t expect you to agree with me all the time, or be transformed by into every single thing I post. Just engage authentically and we will take it from there. I will always take affirmations, it’s been a long time coming but now I’m starting to think I deserve them occasionally.
I got more to say about all the above, but I’ll save for another post. Thank you for reading this, thank you for stopping by — don’t be a stranger. Leaving you with a song that has been in my heart and makes me smile.
-Mac
