Ether bending

Since I made the decision to head out west last week, shit has been different and I want to talk about it. I finally did something strictly for me and I made it work.

I would be remiss to say it wasn’t without a lot of support to make it happen, but it did, and I found myself lost in a big city on my own with only one person I could call on if needed. It forced me to not only get out of my shell, but put myself OUT THERE. and I did.

AND LOOK. IM WINNING.

I have never left a trip feeling so validated in who the fuck I am, ya’ll. And never have I been so aware of the current status of things in… let’s say closer places. I feel very emboldened ya’ll, and at the same time, that makes things that I’ve outgrown (or outmatured even) very, VERY, clear.

For an example, I’m polyamourous — let me just say it straight out cause I’m not arguing or trying to convince anyone of this. If you have been close enough to know the particulars of how I approached and experienced my romantic relationships prior to this, I’m sure you can understand why I made this decision. If not, the TL:DR is that I spent a lot of time not being able to do as I was socially instructed to do in these situations. And feeling like a failure in that.

For the first time in my life, I don’t feel like that, I don’t feel like I’m being gaslit, I don’t feel like I have to hide myself, or my feelings, or what I want. I ask for it, I share it, and I manifest it. If I get it, cool, if I don’t, EVEN BETTER, the space is there for it to come to me. (and it is. exponentially. I’ll leave that at that for now). I feel so empowered to be honest, to be vulnerable, and to be seen fully and completely. As well as being able to voice when I am not.

Social Anxiety seems like much less of an obstacle back on home grounds. And (apparently) the confidence looks fucking amazing on me. The only difference is this time, I’m protecting this shit. This is a part of me now. I am extremely excited to share the new me with you all.

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